When I woke Little Bear, he had an accident and had peed the bed. When I brought him out into the family room to get him cleaned up and changed, I was greeted by several lovely barf spots. I cleaned those up and then got Hoho up and dressed. As I was packing everything up and getting everybody out the door Keno barfs again and it's all bloody. Gag. I figured I'd have to call the vet on my way to work and make an appointment to get him in today.

I had just locked the front door when I heard HoHo say "Uh-oh". I had a flat tire. G-zuss! Grumpy had already left for work so I had to figure it out myself. I hate fixing car issues, because Grumpy is kinda picky about car stuff and grumbles if I pay to have something fixed that he could have done himself.

I had to call my office and tell my poor new assistant, who has no idea what she is doing, that I wouldn't be coming in today. Did I mention that there are only two of us that work there. So, I left her completely alone.

Then I had to call Little Bear's speech therapist and cancel so I could get the van in and get the tire fixed.

I called Little Bear's caretaker and told her not to bother coming today because without the van we can't take his wheelchair anywhere.

I went to the in-law's (who live around the corner), got enough air in the tire to get to MIDAS and then we were off.

Little Bear normally would have music therapy today too, but his therapist quit and his replacement isn't scheduled to start until the 12th. When Ms. L quit we were told there would be no lapse in therapy.
But, last week, when we showed up for therapy (after driving a half an hour to get there) we were told that the new therapist was moving from out of state and wouldn't be starting until the 12th. We were also told that someone would call and confirm when she was ready to start.

Thank God the guys at MIDAS know me and weren't busy this morning. They fixed my tire and I got an alignment while I was at it because Grumpy put new struts on the van a few weeks ago and I've been meaning to do it. I don't know why I haven't gotten to it yet, it's not like I'm busy or anything. Yes, I was being sarcastic.

When we got home from MIDAS, there was a message from the new music therapist asking why we had missed our appointment today. Wha? Get it together people.

Well, thankfully my tire went flat here in my driveway and not out on the road somewhere.

I am taking Keno to the vet at five, hopefully he is ok. I'll keep you posted.

In other news, my father-in-law and Grumpy are out in the back yard doing a final grading job, because we get the sod installed TOMORROW! I am sooooo excited. We will finally have grass to play on instead of dirt! Whee.

In other, other news, I think I told you I work two part-time jobs. I manage a non-profit office Monday through Friday in the mornings. And in the afternoons I work from home for a female race car driver. She travels all the time so I meet her at her house once a month or so to go over things. I have to pull up to the gate of her housing development and the security guard has to raise the gate and let me in. It's pretty funny, me in my beat-up, ADA mini-van cruising through this hoity-toity Scottsdale neighborhood.

Anyway, because Danic Patrick won her first IRL race, all the newspapers have been contacting my boss for interviews. I was at her house while she was on the phone with USA today and the next day I bought the paper and read all the stuff I had heard her say the day before. It was wild.

Since I don't follow racing, I had never heard of her and didn't realize she was such a big deal. I think that's why she hired me. She liked that I had no idea who she was. Anyway, after all the years I went to school and worked as a graphic designer and I've never loved a job the way I love these two jobs. Weird how life takes you places you never thought you'd want to be.

Happy Birthday, fathead (the dog, not the kid)! We love you (the dog and the kid).

One morning I was getting Little Bear dressed and out of the blue he said "I love you, mama." It was the first time he had said it without me saying it first. And I understood him completely, it was true and clear. I almost cried. Sap.

Saturday night I baked a banana cake for Little Bear because he kept asking for cake. Well, he fell asleep before it was done baking. Sunday morning when he saw the cake he was so excited. So after breakfast I let him have a little piece. Then he said "Mama, thank you for baking a cake for me." OMG! Too sweet!

The final special moment came straight from HOHO. I was in the shower and he was in the bathroom rummaging through the drawers. When I turned off the water, I heard him go "Uh-oh, all done!" When I opened the shower curtain he was standing there holding my towel out for me. My own personal valet! It was pretty darn cute.

Those are the moments I hold with me when I am sitting on HOHO forcing medicine down his throat twice a day for 6 weeks to get rid of the ring worm fungus he had on his head. He got it from his friend, who got it from their cat. I have phantom itch from it. I can't stop itching all over. Gah.

We had hired an office assistant that we felt would be a perfect fit, but she quit one week after we hired her because she felt that the previous office manager was unkind, which she was not. She was blunt, a big difference. So, I ended up going back through the resumes and interviewing three more people. The one I wanted to hire took another offer and I was left with two people who were probably capable but I didn't feel anything special for either.

I flipped a coin. Oh, fate!

We hired "Cram-it" and things seemed fine. She was pleasant, did her work, and we got along much to my surprise. She looks like the type to have everything in her house be pink and probably covered in lace or plastic. Pure Cheese.

It was a time of great transition in our office. I was fairly new to my position, the old manager retired, and a new board of director's tok office and asked me for infinite amounts of work. As we are only there part-time I asked "Cram-it" for her more and more help to get through, with the understanding that things would calm down again soon. She assured me daily that things were great and she loved her job, and working with me. Blah, blah, blah. She was thrilled to have the job because her husband decided to leave a good job to become a trucker at a job site and they were broke ass. I can understand that.

Apparently after she openend my paycheck she decided she wanted my job. From about the third week she began sending long, rambling, crazy emails to the board of directors about how I don't bother to show up at work, that she does everything anyway, that I spend my day surfing the internet when I do bother to show up and I leave the office covered in garbage and dirty diapers from my children. Luckily for me the board of director's already knew that her claims were bullshit from my performance track record, the amount of work I was supplying them everyday, and the new systems I had implemented to make the office run more efficiently. I actually had my first perfect review (nothing to improve on) and I got a lovely raise. So, really I owe "Cram-it" one, as all she did was make me look better and get herself fired and thought of as CRAZY! And, I also got a second part-time job working for a famous race car driver so even better for me! SO, SUCK IT "Cram-it"!

While all of this was going down, "Cram-it" had started setting her own hours, coming and going as she pleased and then calling in sick, like nine days in a row. I think she stole money from petty cash but I can't prove it.

Anyway, her psycho wife-beater looking husband would call in for her and he was a creep, and rude to boot. One day her husband called and bitched me out about how I don't pay her enough and on and on and so I told him that if his wife has a problem she needs to talk to me because she is an adult and I work with her not him and that I wasn't going to deal with him. He said " Oh, you'll deal with me." Then he hung up on me. Nice veiled threat. So, I fired her over the phone and fifteen minutes later she quit via email. And that day she tried to apply for unemployment. I nipped that in the bud and had the locks changed immediately.

Now, I find that she has been blogging about me all over her blog using my name, where I work, how much I make and la, la, la. She even posted the same on Craigslist when I posted the job position again. Crazy bitch and her crazy bitch husband.

In my younger years I would have fucked that bitch up! I mean come on. I have her social security number and driver's license information, and other sensitive information and I could do some serious damage if I wanted. But, I won't (I'll think up some good shit though). I believe in Karma and I know that she will get it and good without me lifting a finger. I know it will hurt and that makes me smile.

The funny thing is that before all this went down, I received the following email at work and I was supportive of "Cram-it", and made it clear that what this person said made no difference, and she repays me with her unbelievable shit. Whatever. I will say that the email was written by some illiterate dumb-ass. I doesn't make any sense, but still all I can say is EWWWW. I am going to post a pic of "Cram-it" and "Wife Beater" so that you can read the letter and picture them and then throw up your lunch, like I did.

------------------------------------------------------
dear maam,
this is just a quick note that an employee in your organization is a sexual deviant. i felt that an individual in her position should not be allowed to work for such a group.
she is a card carrying member of APEX arizona power exchange, she is also a members of pals phoenix alternative lifestyles. this is a bdsm group. she is also a member a the peoplegroup_bdsm. she attends these parties regulary. being a member of rvw, i am not comfortable of this type of person working within our group.

she mentioned that she worked for a company on saturday night that was called (deleted) and i prompted her to ask her what it was they did. i was appalled.
my ex husband and i belonged to APEX by his choice only. i thought they were discusting.
her scene name is infyniti here real name is (deleted)

http://www.arizonapowerexchange.org/

here is there group. also her and her husband went to tucson to the southwest fetish ball last year. she proudly wears her t shirt. back east she was a member of NELA New England Leather alliance. Members of the Washington DC based Black Rose and NYC TES . and with some research found that she was an advocate for the lifestyle and changing laws to promote bdsm where she moved to arizona such that this type of lifestyle is legal.

they just got tickets to fetish alive in tucson this march!!

her husband is he dom and she is his sub/slave. ths women is weird. i personally will remove myself from (deleted) if this person is not terminated immediately.

i am passing this on to the other women in (deleted). this is not someone we want handlng our matters.

she belongs at macdonalds not with other lesbians. we are real women, she is a sexual deviant. i have seen the photos.

anna

Little Bear got to hold an 80 pound python that came to visit his preschool class. There were also scorpions(gah!), black widoes(gah!), and a bunch of other creepy critters that mama no like! Thank God I didn't volunteer to help out that day. I would have been crying in a corner. It was even in the newspaper today. How special.

They weren't there yesterday about 6pm. I let the dogs out to potty and then we walked over to my in-laws for dinner. When we got home about 10pm, I let the dogs out and then put HOHO to bed. I let the dogs in and then did my usual OCD glance around the back yard to just make sure all the dogs were in and that none of the cats got out.

Right in front of me about 3 feet and just to the left of the door I could see a weird shadow. I turned on the porch light and it took me a minute to figure out what the hell I was looking at. It looked like a brownish, black bowl hanging upside down from the porch ceiling. Grumpy came to see what I was howling about and he's like "SHIT! IT'S KILLER BEES!"

I flipped out.

Grumpy was all checking it out and taking pictures. During the night it got pretty cold and now there are about 200 dead bees scattered across my back patio. But, there are still at least 500 hanging in their buzz bowl. It's nasty. They are dancing, and moving and flying all over.

The worst part is that I can't let the dogs out in the back yard. So now, every couple of hours I have to walk five dogs. That is super fun, especially when I have to take HOHO with me too.

Talk about getting dirty looks from your neighbors. So "Bee Keeper Kevin",is coming to smoke their asses at four. I can't wait.

Crazy bitch!

A new situation is happening on the homefront. Only a year ago, Little Bear, because of his CP, had really only been able to say one to two words and short phrases and he could say only about 12 words or so, of one and two syllables that you could understand. Oh, the times they are a changing.

The other day, Little Bear, said (and it was pretty darn clear and easy to understand) Momma, I need your help. I need you to pick up the controller (so he could play X Box). He also reads street signs and maps and is speaking pretty long sentences. I can have conversations with him for the first time. I love it. Yesterday, he was at my work and he took my EASY button and said EASY, E-A-S-Y. Wow, didn't know he could do that.

RIGHTEOUS!

It is so cool! He's really talking and I can understand him and he's going to be placed in an integrated kindergarten next year because they think he is way too smart to stay in the special needs class.

COOL!

But, now I am in trouble. Why, you may ask? Well, because of my bad, bad sailor mouth.

Yesterday, I was on the phone with my mom and she was telling me that her friend had done something nice for her and I have this standing joke with her that when someone does something nice, I usually say (in a high pitched, incensed, snooty voice) Well! That BITCH! I don't know how it started, or why I say it, but it makes us laugh like dorks. Anyway, she said what she said and I said Well! That Bitch! And, Little Bear, who was across the room playing on Googlemaps with my laptop stops and says Momma! Don't say that! That's Bad!

SHIT!

He said it again later that night when we were playing a game and I let an F-bomb slide.

OOPS!

I've never had to censor myself in front of him before because he couldn't repeat any of it. Not anymore apparently.

SHIT!

And speaking of bad things, I leave you with not one but two of the funniest things I have ever seen and heard in my whole life. I have always considered my sense of humor rather sophmoric and dirty. Sarah Silverman makes me feel like a prudish nun.

Certainly NSFW!

Go home, turn up the volume and laugh your ass off.

I'd F*** Matt Damon.

Friday night, I went with Cakes to see Cloris Leachman perform her new one woman show. We saw it at a beautiful new theater in Tempe. She is doing a test run before she goes on tour. So basically we got to be her guniea pigs.

It was a very intimate setting and a smallish crowd. She spoke directly to the audience and allowed us to respond to her. It was fantastic. She told stories from her truly amazing life and career, her family, the people she has gotten to work with, the movies and tv roles she has played. She sang songs, played the piano, and showed a handful of skits and clips on a big screen. She made me laugh, then cry, then both again several times over.

She shared personal stories about her relationship with her mother and father and the tragic death of her son. She shared an incredible experience she had working on the stage with Katherine Hepburn. It took everything I had not to bust out with my Hepburn impression, "Norman, you old poop."

She did her famous, "He vas my boyfriend", as Frau Blücher from Young Frankenstein and a couple of lines from Nurse Charlotte Diesel in High Anxiety.

It was an amazing evening and at the end of the show she came up into the crowd and she hugged people as we filed out. I am short but I towered over her tiny little frame. I hope I am that strong, feisty, and funny at 81 years old. I was still teary eyed from the story she had told about her son dying and the final song she had sung and I told her that I loved laughing and crying all at once. She put her hands on my face and patted my cheeks then she hugged me and thanked me.

It was extraordinary. I floated home.

Then tonight my mom and I got all fancied up and we went to ASU Gammage to see Johnny Mathis perform. He was incredible. His voice is so smooth and he is all class. My parents took us to to see him once when I was abou 9 or 10, but this time I really appreciated what a gifted performer he is. There was a very funny comedian, Brad Upton, who came out and made us laugh between sets. He was funny as hell. It was a tremendous treat.

The best part of the evening for me was that I have lost enough weight that my big knee high platform boots fit for the first time since I got pregnant with Little Bear. It was a great feeling.
I felt pretty. It didn't hurt that I was the youngest person in the audience either. It automatically made the prettiest, least wrinkled girl in the whole place.

As I rarely get to go anywhere, this whole weekend has been a major, happy, treat.

And to top it all off, I just found out that my oldest friend, Sarah, is about to have her first baby. We met in 9th grade and somehow we have kept track of each other all these years of moving and grooving. Congratulations honey!

Now I am off to bed.

I am in shock right now. I arrived at home a few minutes ago and the first thing that popped up when I started up my laptop is the news story about Heath Ledger being found dead.

What an incredible waste of a beautiful and talented man.

I had ginourmous crush on Heath from the moment I laid eyes on him and then he completely blew me away with his extraordinary presence on screen. And oh man, he sure did remind me of someone in my real life on whom I had a terrible, terrible crush. Sigh.

I cannot believe it is true. It feels altogether too much like the day River Phoenix died. The only difference is that I knew River had a drug issue. I had never heard of Heath Ledger having any of those types of problems.

I feel so sorry for his baby daughter and his family. What a tragic loss. Why does it seem that so many people with these amazing talents have the darkest demons that become their undoing?

And even though Heath didn't say it, I will leave you with my favorite qoute from 10 Things I Hate About You....

I have a dick on my face, don't I?

I've put the pictures up on my Flickr site of little bugg nephew.

On a side not, the hospital is gorgeous and brand new. It has a fantastic zen meditation garden out in a center plaza that I wish were my own. There are beautiful fountains and greenery and very simple lines and textures with a concrete stream and small foot bridge. The music was serene and I felt calm in my center for a few brief moments. I wish I had taken my camera out there with me instead of leaving it in the room.

One evening about three weeks ago, Grumpy was over at his parent's house a block away, watching football.

I was home watching a movie and working on my Christmas cards. Around 10pm Grumpy walks in the front door and announces that he has a problem. I walked from the kitchen around the corner to the living room to see Grumpy standing in the entryway holding a little dog in his arms.

Wha?

He tells me that as he is walking home this little dog runs out into the street and almost gets hit by a car. He figured that the dog had escaped somehow so he grabbed him and brought him home so we could keep him safe until we located his owner. We popped him in our kennel to keep him away from our dogs and went to bed.

The next morning I posted entries on every single MISSING PET site I could find with his description and identifying information.

Then I really took the time to give him a good once over and this is when things started going downhill.

First thing, he had no tags, but this didn't freak me out because sometimes they slip out of their collars. Then I realized he wasn't neutered. GAH! The dog had nails so long I don't know how he walked. He was very, very thin, maybe 9 pounds for a dog I suspect to be some kind of mix of Australian, Silky, and Yorkshire Terrier. His hair was so shaggy around his face he couldn't see. He had several ticks. His fur was grubby and gross. His eyes were all crusty and he had so much hair in his ears I'm surprised he could hear.

All of these things made me think he's a stray. But at the same time he got along fine with our dogs and he loved the kids. He listened well and didn't jump on the furniture. He was potty trained too. All this made me think that he belonged to someone but had somehow gotten lost and been on his own for awhile. I took him to the vet and had him checked out. Of course he had no microchip.

For a few days things looked really promising. I got almost a dozen calls and emails from people missing their dog. I even got an email from a woman in Idaho who thought it might be her dog. It made me sad to hear all these poor people who were missing their babies. They were so hopeful. One poor girl was a dog walker who had lost a client's pet. Not once did this little dog match up with any of the descriptions. We decided to give it two weeks to find his owner. I even spent several nights searching through dozens and dozens of missing pet sites going back almost a year.

So, guess what? He's still here. And now, I refuse to take him to the pound. I know he would get adopted quickly but he has already bonded with our dogs, kids and even with us. I don't think he needs anymore upheaval. We have named him Radar because he has huge bat ears and he turns his head from side to side when you talk to him.

For anyone who is keeping count, this means we now have 5 dogs who all fall in the under 10 pound category. I am turning into Cesar Milan.

It is officially that time of year when there are just not enough hours in the day to get things done.

After Little Bear’s birthday we really ramped up for Halloween because my in-laws and their next door neighbors have a haunted house every year. I made andposted at least one hundred flyers. We had the haunted house two weekends before and on Halloween night. I missed taking Little Bear and HOHO trick or treating for the first time which was kind of a bummer, but they went with MSA and her kids so they had a good time.

We had over 300 people come to through the haunted house. And we do it for free. We only ask for donations to the food bank. We had kids crying, screaming hootin’ and hollerin’. People told us it was scarier and better than houses they had paid big bucks to go through. It was cool. I was the undead gatekeeper at the cemetery gate. I posted pics, go look. I led everyone through the cemetery to the entrance. I was very serious and scary but in the middle of it all one night people started giggling at me and pointing behind me. I turned to see what the ruckus was and HOHO has snuck out the house while no one was looking. He was standing in the middle of the cemetery in his bat costume holding a skull and when he saw me, undead and all, he came running over yelling MAMA!!! It was pretty hysterical.

A few weeks ago I found a white dove in my front yard. Anyone who knows me; knows I have a special spot for doves because of previous family experiences. This is the fourth dove I have rescued over the years. I think eventually I will have to have a dove tattoo. I found a really cool Celtic design with doves in it that I might rework.

Our stupid van has broken down twice in the last few weeks, which sucks when that is the only way you can haul your kid and his wheelchair around. It is in the shop as we speak and I am so frustrated because it is costing a fortune to fix. We are leaving to go to California next weekend for papa T’s 80th birthday so the van has to be good to go. And I still need to get the brakes done.

Yesterday, Cakes and I went to get pedi/manis. It was his first time and he even got blue toenail polish. It was so funny because the girls were all chattering and giggling. I couldn’t understand them but I know they were talking about us. I could just tell.

Little Bear had really started talking up a storm lately. It is so cool. He said his first four word sentence which is a really big deal. He said “Daddy likes to toot!” He has also said “shut up, assholes!” after he heard me yell at the dogs for barking their fool heads off. They bark every time a car turns the corner in front of our house, which is all the time. I admit it, I laughed. It was pretty damn funny. I'm just waiting for him to drop the F bomb.

HoHo is starting to be chatty too. He usually is the strong silent type but he loves to say “Oh, Wow!” And he starts dancing anytime music comes on. And now at bedtime when I say are you ready to find your bed. He will either say “No!” or he will stop whatever he is doing and amble down the hall to his bedroom ready to go to sleep.

And this is weird. I just posted a bunch of new pics and like five minutes after I put them up, some guy in another country took one of my pictures and posted it on his FLickr site. That is odd, right? Take your own damn pictures dude. The other thing that irritates me about this is that he commented on my picture. He wrote one word, Mala. Now, I never took Spanish but I know French and some Italian and as far as I know Mala means bad. So this guy tells me my picture is bad then posts it on his site. WTF?

Anyway, I know I am forgetting a zillion and one things but that is all for now. I have been told by Little Bear that I have to go drag out all the Christmas crap and start decorating. You know how I love Christmas. Not. I'm doing it for Johnny man.

Little Bear turned five on Wednesday. We made a week out of it. Last week my mom came into town and we drove almost 4 hours up to Williams on Friday. It was so beautiful. Williams is 7000 ft. up in the mountains. It made me feel home to see pine trees and green grass and to be cold again. I never wanted to leave. We stayed the night at the cute little GC Hotel in Williams. We went on a night-time carriage ride down the old Route 66 and we even met Santa Claus back at the Hotel. The next morning we took a two and a half hour train ride to the Grand Canyon. None of us had ever been before. It was unreal. I just kept saying OH, WOW! And that is where HoHo picked it up so now he says it to everything. OH WOW!

We didn't have very much time there because of all of the ADA issues we encountered. We were the first people on the train and the last people let off because we had to wait for a ramp to get Little Bear's wheelchair off. The Grand Canyon has steps everywhere too. It was a really frustrating afternoon, but I'm glad we went anyway. And Earl our car steward was awesome. I will never forget him.

We ended up spending one more night in Williams because we were exhauseted by the time we got back. I had to walk up and down the train cars for two hours beacause HoHo is hitting the terrible two's early and started screaming everytime we sat down for more than a minute.

On Sunday, we drove home and stopped in Sedona to see the red rocks. It was so gorgeous. Later, we had dinner at Nana's and had a family birthday party.

On Wednesday we took the kids to Chuck E Cheese. That was only my second time there. I hate to say it but damn it I love it there. It's fun. Really. God, I must be losing it.

Little Bear got three zillion more Hotwheels cars and a race track and a little town and he got all the cars from the movie Cars, which he loves.

And, to Miwi and T-mas, if you are reading this. I will remember the birthday card you sent him someday when you have children. I have heard that dancing squirrel song about 10,000 times in the last four days. Little Bear laughs his ass off every single time too. Thanks. He loves it. It is pretty funny.

Yesterday, my mom and I took the kids to a Greek Festival in Phoenix. I loved the dancing and was hoping to get to do a little Greek line dancing but the kids got too fussy and we had to leave after dinner.

I swear I saw a guy I knew in high school and while I was looking at him he was in mid sentence talking to his friend and he stopped, looked at me and tilted his head to the side like he thought he knew me too. It was strange because I never see anyone from high school. As I was walking away I turned to give him one last look and he was turned looking at me too. I was too freaked out to say anything to him.

I had to laugh too hard as we were driving home in the car. I was telling my mom how I have to find a polite way to tell my neighbor that I cannot possible babysit for her kids anymore because they are evil, destructive, rude, obnoxious spawn. Anyway, I said, "I am losing my mind." From the back seat Little Bear says "Coo Coo!". We almost peed, we laughed so hard. I tried to get him to say it again by saying, "Little Bear, what do you say when mommy loses her mind?" and he replies "UH-OH!". He kills me.