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August 30, 2005
please keep your hands inside the ride
I used to hang out a club that was co-owned by John Corbett, you know, of Northern Exposure and Sex and the City fame. Grrrrr, hot.
I had only lived here a few months and had not yet grown accustomed to seeing his fine self hanging out at the bar. I was still a little star struck by his beauty.
On New Year's Eve 1995 I was hanging at said bar with Bunny and our friend JL. I do believe I had a little bit to drink (that's my story and I'm sticking to it) and I was going on and on about how I heard that the hottie himself was going to be there and how I absolutely had to find a way to say how do you do, and take me I'm yours.
At one minute to midnight an opportunity fell into my lap. We were lounging on some chairs in a corner groaning about how much New Year's Eve does suck, when we saw the back of a very, very tall man and several other people walking away from us. They had come out of a door that was neatly tucked into a back corner - the VIP room of course! The crowd parted as they headed toward the stage at the front of the dance floor. Without even seeing his face I knew in an instant that it was John and that he was heading to the stage to start the count down.
Without thinking, without a plan I got up and bee-lined after him. I curved around the outside of the dance floor and cut in through the middle hoping to meet with him somewhere in the middle. And it worked. Almost. He was approaching quickly and my brain was frantically trying to think of something terribly witty to say as we came together, when at the last moment instead of passing next to me face to face he turned and started to pass with his back to me.
A crushing blow for anyone else. But to me it was a gift from god. As I mentioned the Corbett is VERY tall and being that I am very short this placed his perfectly spherical round tushy right in my grasp. I reached out with both hands and gave that tushy a nice solid squeeze.
The man didn't flinch or turn or even acknowledge that I had groped him mercilessly he just continued on his merry way to the stage.
Happy New Year indeed.
Posted by bugg at 01:07 PM | Comments (2)
August 29, 2005
after awhile lazy is good
It was a busy weekend.
Friday while I was waiting to be picked up from work Grumpy called to tell me that he had just rear-ended a carfull of gotdamn tourists from my home state of Michigan.
When they finally picked me up we had to haul Grumpy all the way up to his work then make a pit stop to get Little Bear signed up for his swim class that starts this week. Then we cruised on back downtown to make it to the memorial service for my teacher that had passed away. I laughed, I cried, I ran into a couple of old friends which was cool.
After all that rushing around I needed some down time, so Little Bear and I took the dogs over to the dog park and went for a nice long walk, had a late dinner then we picked Grumpy up from work around ten. Little Bear stayed up until after 11. He was overtired and woke up several times during the night finally getting up for good at 6am. Lucky me.
On Saturday, we took Grumpy to work. I packed up some stuff and the dogs and headed down to the ferry where we met a few friends from work. We took a ferry over to the Island to hang out at the bosses house for the company picnic. Little Bear loved the ferry and he was so excited to see all the boats and the water. Why do I bother taking my camera when I never take any damn pictures?
The dogs had a blast running all over the place (boss man has ten secluded acres - ahhh)and playing with their friend Aggie, and of course eating anything they could scrounge up. Little Bear had a good time too. He was all over the place checking stuff out. He finally fell asleep and a co-worker (a dad of three) needed a baby fix so he held Little Bear while he slept. It was so sweet. Then we had a sweet ferry ride back into the city. It was beautiful.
Yesterday, I was broken. I was so tired from running all over the place and carrying the kid around that we stayed in bed almost all day yesterday. We took a seriously long nap, watched cartoons(I am becoming obsessed with Fairly Odd Parents) and I admit it - we even ate dinner in bed. I'm talking a salad AND a main course. We ate and watched Return of the Jedi. I have never eaten in bed before that I can recall. It was strictly against the rules to have food in our bedrooms when I was a kid so that sort of carried over into my adult life. Can I just say it was fabulous. I didn't even care for once that there is a ton of laundry and cleaning to take care of. I stayed in bed, in my pjs. I was lazy and I loved it!
Posted by bugg at 01:15 PM | Comments (4)
August 25, 2005
happy anniversary
Today would have been my parents 49th wedding anniversary. I can't believe that in two weeks it will have been an entire year since dad passed. Last year on this day, we were visiting him at the hospital and he had this brilliant moment of clarity where he recognized my mom and called her his lady, the way he always had.
Posted by bugg at 03:09 PM | Comments (8)
August 23, 2005
you say it's your birthday
Happy 39th Birthday to my favorite (and only) brother.
Posted by bugg at 08:52 AM | Comments (3)
August 22, 2005
hot to trot
Ms. Bees Knees posted a story that reminded me of a day that should have been oh so wonderful, which quickly turned oh so humiliating.
A long time ago when I was still in school, I volunteered to serve as a page for a Seattle Advertising Federation luncheon. I only volunteered because John Kennedy Jr. was coming to talk about his, at the time, new magazine, George. I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to meet him, have him fall madly in love with me and after a whirlwind courtship we would marry. He was my clean cut crush. The room was FULL of women, all of them waiting to get their claws into my man. They were all primping and preening and smiling huge toothy smiles, giggling and whispering like school girls, awaiting his arrival.
After assisting all the fancy-schmancy bitches and other important people to their assigned seats I took my own seat. I don’t think I could have been farther away from the podium if it tried, stuck in the farthest back corner of the largest possible room. (Nobody puts baby in a corner!) I figured I would need binoculars to even see John-John. I resigned myself to the fact that some Gucci suited ho would probably have a better chance than I of snagging his heart.
At that moment a door next to my chair swung open wide and several men stepped through. The last of the men, was very tall, very good looking and oh so beautiful. I stared up at John with saucer eyes. I couldn’t move or even smile. But, he looked right into my eyes smiled, said hi, and continued on to the stage. I missed my chance for true love (with him anyway) but I was on cloud nine. I grinned ear to ear through the whole presentation. He was just that dreamy.
Afterward, I decided to use the ladies room to freshen up before I had to walk the mile or so to my work. I was wearing a lovely dress made of black (assimilated) crepe. It was in two layers with the bottom layer being made of black slip material since you could see through the dress otherwise. I left the ladies’ room with a throng of other women, winding our way through and exiting the large convention center. I mostly floated back to the print shop I was working at.
On the way I got several whistles and cat calls from homeless men smoking ciggies in the doorways of buildings. I was still too high from my encounter to give them the time of day. I was feeling f-i-n-e. Besides getting a little hootin’ and hollerin’ from unwashed strangers only added to my euphoria.
I passed a tinted glass fronted building about two blocks from my office, and decided to check myself out in the window and give myself props for being so hot. Oh yea.
Oh shit.
In my gush of excitement from seeing John Jr., I was too elated to notice that during my bathroom break I had tucked the top layer of my faux crepe dress into the top of my nylons, exposing my lovely, black slipped booty to the world as I passed.
I quickly fixed my dress. Deflated, I walked the rest of the way to work with my head hanging low. Whoa is me.
And not one of those Gucci bitches from the luncheon bothered to tell me. Stupid whores.
Posted by bugg at 01:31 PM | Comments (5)
August 18, 2005
did you happen to see the ugliest dress in the world?
Not only did I see it I had to wear it.
The other day here in the office, a co-worker got a delivery, a bridesmaid dress. Actually, when she took it out of the box we were all happy for her. It was a beautiful chocolate brown and the dress was simple and cute. It looked like she could wear it again for sure. And with her skinny, little, blond self, she could wear a potato sack and still look great. I digress.
A little while later co-worker comes back and says she has tried on aforementioned dress and that it looks hideous on her. It has the weird angle hemline that makes her look like she’s walking lopsided and it gives her side boob cleavage and gathers weird around her butt, and the material has that tweaked out, pulling side to side thing going on. Fortunately she has a mom who sews and can fix the damn thing.
To make her feel better, I brought in a picture of Bugg circa 1990, as I appeared in my cousin’s wedding.
Here are the key issues to remember when viewing this ensemble.
1. Most importantly, I had no say in any of this!
2. I have blocked out my brother’s face to save him from any embarrassment.
3. I have blocked out my face to hide the fact that my aunt, who took care of the makeup, forced us to not only wear Mary Kay (gag! but she applied it too – which I hate), but Mary Kay in the colors of peach and teal to match the colors of the dress and the flowers. Teal eye shadow. Peach blush and lipstick. That should be enough humiliation right there. But, no.
4. The dress was constructed of cheaply made and poorly sewn together teal taffeta, with no lining. Mmmmm.
5. The seamstress made my dress swimmingly huge in the butt, chest and arms. I look very large. What you cannot see in the photo is that the only place the dress was too tight was across the stomach. With no lining you could see the shadow and dip of every girl’s belly button. And I was by far the smallest bridesmaid too.
6. What the hell is that on my head and who the hell feathered my hair?
7. The necklace is a lovely cluster of fake pearls on a fake gold chain that I do believe left a ring around my neck the same color as my dress.
8. We carried candles… in summer… in humid Michigan… in a very small church crammed with too many people… with no air conditioning, for a really long Orthodox wedding. I would’ve fallen asleep if the ring of fire in my hands hadn’t been melting my face. If you notice on the candle, flower combo that as an added bonus there are beautiful fake pearls glued around the edge of the glass. There are also lovely streams of teal ribbon and fake pearls dangling from the candle, flower combo.
9. My best friend, Kool Mo D, came to the wedding specifically to torment me about how I looked in this dress. That and to get way drunk and smoke lots of ciggies in the ladies room without getting caught by any of my relatives.
Thank God I'm not famous and no rag mag wants to buy old photos of me looking like such a dish.
Posted by bugg at 02:51 PM | Comments (1)
August 16, 2005
like deer in the headlights
Last night I was motoring around the house cleaning up the mess left by Grumpy's 30th birthday bash over the weekend. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a tad anal retentive about neatness and that I really enjoy cleaning. Scary and sad I know.
I always have the tv or the radio on for noise while cleaning and last night I opted to leave the tv on E!, so I could pause here and there to watch the roast of Pamela Anderson. I saw Courtney Love's drugged out ramblings and the funniest thing ever, Bea Arthur (I LOVE her) reading excerpts from Pam's book. You must see for yourself. Trust me.
Just as I finished cleaning and sat down to relax for a few minutes, the next E! show started up. As awful as it was, I couldn't make myself turn the channel.
Through these women I understand what it means to sell your soul to the devil, and also who the devil is. These "ladies" live in this fancy mansion, drive fancy cars, go to all the hip hot spots, have fun parties, go shopping, hang by the pool, and basically have someone waiting on them all the time. And they have hot bodies to go with it. All they have to do in return is pose nekkid and pretend to be in love with nasty, pervy, decrepit, shaky, super old and truly nasty Hugh Heffner (the devil). That last part would be the deal breaker for me, especially after sitting through the show. Quite frankly, I'm not sure Hef is still alive really. I believe that someone just pumps his corpse full of Viagra and then trolls him around from party to party.
Ack. I have showered twice since watching the show and I still feel unclean.
Posted by bugg at 08:32 AM | Comments (4)
August 12, 2005
not quite a saint
Being brought up Italian and Catholic generally means you will be named after a Saint, at least in my family.
My parents named me after Saint "Bugg", the patron saint of: abuse victims, alcoholics, alcoholism, difficult marriages, disappointing children, victims of adultery, victims of unfaithfulness, victims of verbal abuse, and widows.
Hmmm. Isn’t that lovely?
Years later, my parental unit strongly suggested (if we wanted them to pay for the wedding) that Grumpy and I get married in the Catholic Church they attend.
St. Jude, the Patron Saint of: desperate situations; forgotten causes; impossible causes; lost causes.
Hmmm. Isn’t that nice?
Obviously my parents must have hated me from birth.
I’ve always known they favored my brother. But, it is so clear to me now as he was named after the patron saint of: elderly people; expectant mothers; fishermen; harvests; horses; and lost articles.
Shiny, happy bastard!
Posted by bugg at 02:58 PM | Comments (7)
August 11, 2005
yo yo bro!
My brother is the original gangsta! Who knew!
Posted by bugg at 02:27 PM | Comments (4)
dream a little dream of squirmy things
Last night I had the most whacked out dream.
I recall being fired from my job for no reason, oh great! I was hysterically upset about it too because my boss was like "yah, I don't know why we're getting rid of you, I totally love you, but it was Tom's idea." So I went to see Tom and he said, "No, you know I love you, it wasn't me, it was Peg." So, I couldn't get a straight answer from anyone and no one would talk to me or look at me or anything. I left crying. The weird thing was that instead of being our normal office, we were in the offices from the last job I had before coming here to work.
Later, I returned to the office to remove my personal items, which for some reason required a small U-Haul (don't ask, I don't know). I even brought some people to help me move everything. Someone had already taken over my desk and loaded all my stuff into bags and boxes and moved everything into some weird storage area. There were huge spiders and equally huge webs and giant black scorpions covering everything, everywhere. No one else seemed to notice them. I was barefoot too, so it really freaked me out that I might step on something. I was screaming and stomping around. I was in the midst of trying to kill all of them with paper towels when I woke up.
Ack.
What do you think it all means?
Posted by bugg at 12:22 PM | Comments (0)
August 09, 2005
houston, we have a problem
Many moons ago I was a graphic designer for a retail chain store in the Northwest and Canada. This meant I got to do fun things like go on photo shoots and press checks.
The press checks were in Phoenix and Houston and the printing presses were so large they took up entire warehouses. Usually, I was the only female (and young too) in a room full of grumpy men running the presses. You had to be kind of ballsy because they could be intimidating and they would try to boss you around so they could hurry up and get the press run done without having to make all of the color adjustments you were paying good money for.
So, sometimes I would take back up. Ed was my color guy and he was perfect to have along because he knew his stuff, he was lots of fun and he let me be the boss-lady unless I needed help.
On one particular trip to Houston the press check ran long and Ed and I had to high tail it to the airport in order to make our flight back to Seattle. We were OJ'ing through the airport at top speed when I got stuck at the security check. Ed buzzed on through and was waiting for me on the other side. I stepped through and beeped. I came back around and took off my leather jacket, placed it on the conveyor and stepped through again. BEEEEP!
The security screener, in her lovely southern drawl asked me to remove my jacket. I told her politely, I already had done so and pointed to my leather jacket which was already through and waiting for me on the other side.
She said I needed to remove my jacket - and she pointed to MY SHIRT!!! All I had on under my button up shirt was a tiny little white (read see through) tank top bra. She told me that she could see a shirt under my coat and I needed to remove my coat or I could be in big trouble.
You don't argue with those security bitches, for sure!
So, to my utter humiliation (add it to the list!) I had to remove my shirt and stand in my bra in front of the security lady, everyone who was already watching the spectacle and Ed who was sweating because our plane was boarding and also because he was traumatized by seeing me in my bra. Oh joy.
To add to my humiliation (as if) just as I was about to step back through the metal detector the security agent in her best "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure - There's No Basement In the Alamo, voice" loudly exclaimed, "OH, I know why you're beeping (pointing at my chest). It's your nipple rings!"
Why thank you. I appreciate you shouting that out to everyone. I also appreciate you waving that wand back and forth over my chest so everyone who missed it the first time can get a gander.
I did make my flight.
Ed didn't look at me the whole way home.
That was the last press check I ever went on.
Posted by bugg at 08:34 AM | Comments (1)
August 05, 2005
my favorite book
My mom used to read my favorite book to me over and over again.
Posted by bugg at 01:33 PM | Comments (4)
August 04, 2005
farewell nan
When I first moved to Seattle ten years ago, I only knew one person, my friend Bunny who moved out here with me.
I started school at the Art Institute and had the complete luck of having two of the coolest teachers in the whole world, Sigrid and Nan. They were my teachers, my friends, my away from home moms and my cool aunts, all at once. They cared about me and listened to my joys and my heart breaks and when I met Grumpy and told Nan about him and how I was concerned about dating someone four years younger, she told me that her boyfriend (now husband) was four years younger than her. "Big fucking deal", she would say in her deep, ashy voice. I can hear her laugh even now.
Sigrid and Nan included me in their outings, their conversations, their jokes, and I had the privilege of spending two hysterically fun years in their company before I graduated and went out into the world.
After graduation I missed them immensely but knew they would have a new crop of students and a new Bugg would take my place.
Three years ago Sigrid called me out of the blue and asked me to come to speak to one of her classes about working as a graphic designer. I was so excited to go visit and Nan made sure she was there to see me, now a grown up with a real job, a husband (who is four years younger -big fucking deal), and with a baby on the way.
And I went back again and again and again to talk to Sigrid's classes but mostly to see Nan and Sigrid. I haven't been back since last year but I think about them still.
This morning Sigrid sent me an email. At first I was really happy to see her name but the email said that Nan had gotten very sick with cancer several months ago and on Sunday she lost her battle.
I never imagined a light so bright and a personality so big and wonderful and loving could ever cease to be. Nan, I know the sun shines so brightly because of you. I will never forget you.
Big fucking deal.
Posted by bugg at 03:15 PM | Comments (3)
August 03, 2005
a different day
Yesterday was an unusual and unexpected treat for me.
We had a meeting with the School District about placing Little Bear (our kid)into special needs pre-school in the fall when he turns three.
I haven't told the story before here but Little Bear has cerebral palsy. He gets lots of therapy to help him out but he needs much assistance. Considering that I had an emergency C-section three weeks before his due date and the fact that he almost died the night he was born, we are lucky that he is alive. He has taught me more about life than I ever thought possible.
Anyway, I decided to take the whole day off work because I had heard that this session with the school district would be quite demanding and I wanted to be prepared.
Because I was home in the morning I got to go with Grumpy and Little Bear, to Little Bear's swim class at the Ballard pool. I met his one-on-one instructor, James, who is awesome. I got to watch LB practice trying to kick and splash and he had a good ole time. He loves the water. He even got to sit in the hot tub afterward. I'm so glad I got to go. I grinned from ear to ear the whole time.
Then we had to head straight to the meeting with the School District. We met with a nurse, psychologist, physical therapist and speech therapist. They tested LB on all kinds of skills and asked us a billion questions. We were there for four hours.
We had a twenty-minute break while waiting for their final report so we walked down to a duck pond a block away. I saw something I have never seen before. Swimming alongside the ducks were two beautiful black-necked swans. I've never seen anything like them before and something about them made me want to smile and cry at the same time. I think maybe the intensity of the day made me more emotional than usual. I am the girl with her heart on her sleeve.
I had been expecting these School District people to be stern and uptight. Instead I found them very caring and interested in all of us. Both the nurse and psychologist told me they cried when they read a statement I had written on the back of one of the questionnaire forms we had to fill out and send back to them before the meeting. The questionnaire was all questions like can your child... walk, talk, throw a ball, crawl, sit etc... I had to circle no to so many of those that I was frustrated because I thought it made him sound like a lump.
So on the back of the sheet I took it upon myself to write all about how motivated, funny, loving, outgoing and curious he is. I wrote about his love of the water and how he will commando crawl around the house opening doors and calling out to me and how he loves to lower his eyelashes and flirt with women. And how even though he can't talk he knows so many words and understands so much more than people realize. I wrote about how he is so much greater than the body he has to work with.
After it was all over we were told that Little Bear is eligible for special needs services until he is 21. He will start preschool in the fall and he will be in a small class of about eight kids with a range of special needs. I'm excited for him.
To end off a pleasantly surprising lovely day we took Little Bear to Toys R Us and bought him Tonka Trucks (he LOVES construction equipment), finger paints and an Imaginarium train set. We tried to get him a kite but they were sold out.
While we at the mall we also found a great deal on very cool Titanium wedding band for Grumpy. I told him if he loses this one (he's lost two in 6 years – I know!) then I'm getting the next one tattooed on him. Since he turns 30 on the 9th, we're calling this ring his birthday present.
Posted by bugg at 06:19 PM | Comments (4)