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August 22, 2005
hot to trot
Ms. Bees Knees posted a story that reminded me of a day that should have been oh so wonderful, which quickly turned oh so humiliating.
A long time ago when I was still in school, I volunteered to serve as a page for a Seattle Advertising Federation luncheon. I only volunteered because John Kennedy Jr. was coming to talk about his, at the time, new magazine, George. I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to meet him, have him fall madly in love with me and after a whirlwind courtship we would marry. He was my clean cut crush. The room was FULL of women, all of them waiting to get their claws into my man. They were all primping and preening and smiling huge toothy smiles, giggling and whispering like school girls, awaiting his arrival.
After assisting all the fancy-schmancy bitches and other important people to their assigned seats I took my own seat. I don’t think I could have been farther away from the podium if it tried, stuck in the farthest back corner of the largest possible room. (Nobody puts baby in a corner!) I figured I would need binoculars to even see John-John. I resigned myself to the fact that some Gucci suited ho would probably have a better chance than I of snagging his heart.
At that moment a door next to my chair swung open wide and several men stepped through. The last of the men, was very tall, very good looking and oh so beautiful. I stared up at John with saucer eyes. I couldn’t move or even smile. But, he looked right into my eyes smiled, said hi, and continued on to the stage. I missed my chance for true love (with him anyway) but I was on cloud nine. I grinned ear to ear through the whole presentation. He was just that dreamy.
Afterward, I decided to use the ladies room to freshen up before I had to walk the mile or so to my work. I was wearing a lovely dress made of black (assimilated) crepe. It was in two layers with the bottom layer being made of black slip material since you could see through the dress otherwise. I left the ladies’ room with a throng of other women, winding our way through and exiting the large convention center. I mostly floated back to the print shop I was working at.
On the way I got several whistles and cat calls from homeless men smoking ciggies in the doorways of buildings. I was still too high from my encounter to give them the time of day. I was feeling f-i-n-e. Besides getting a little hootin’ and hollerin’ from unwashed strangers only added to my euphoria.
I passed a tinted glass fronted building about two blocks from my office, and decided to check myself out in the window and give myself props for being so hot. Oh yea.
Oh shit.
In my gush of excitement from seeing John Jr., I was too elated to notice that during my bathroom break I had tucked the top layer of my faux crepe dress into the top of my nylons, exposing my lovely, black slipped booty to the world as I passed.
I quickly fixed my dress. Deflated, I walked the rest of the way to work with my head hanging low. Whoa is me.
And not one of those Gucci bitches from the luncheon bothered to tell me. Stupid whores.
Posted by bugg at August 22, 2005 01:31 PM
Comments
Would you have told you? For some reason, I don't think so.
Posted by: melanie at August 22, 2005 03:54 PM
I would have laughed and pointed and then I would have told everyone I know about the dumb bitch who thought she was so hot, walking down the street with her dress tucked in her pantyhose.
Posted by: Bugg at August 22, 2005 03:56 PM
HAHAHAH! Holy crap, you and I *must* be related or at least share the same *doofus* gene. Oh man, that story was brilliant my dear, just brilliant! John-John missed out, 'nuff said.
Posted by: Ms Bees Knees at August 22, 2005 07:57 PM
That was hilarious! Well at least you made the day for a few homeless guys.
Posted by: epicurist at August 23, 2005 08:04 AM
knees - You got that right!
Epi - I do what I can to give to the needy!
Posted by: Bugg at August 23, 2005 08:52 AM