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July 08, 2005
Finding Dick
I become obsessed on occasion with finding my birth father.
Maybe it is because my adopted dad passed away in September and I miss him. Or because he had Alzheimer's and couldn't remember who I was at the end.
Whatever the reason, I have to find this stranger who is technically my father.
I don't think there will be peace inside my head until then.
I found my birth mother in 1992 and since then we have had sporadic but friendly communication. She only spoke of Richard once years ago and has since ignored any pleas for more information. I can't say as I blame her. The memories must be very painful.
I figured it would be easier to find him than it actually has been. He was in the Army during Viet Nam so I assumed the paper trail would be easy to track but that has not been the case.
I have scoured the internet in search of Richard on and off for the last ten years. I could probably pay someone but I'm not ready to admit defeat like that yet.
And I am afraid.
Afraid that he will be angry with me for disturbing his life and that he will be disappointed with who I am.
I am also afraid that I will hate him and that he will disappoint me or it scares me because I will love him.
I am afraid he will turn his back on me. Again.
I don't want Richard to be a Dick.
Posted by bugg at July 8, 2005 02:49 PM