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June 30, 2005
I'm going crazy
If for some reason I were ever held hostage and tortured for my vast knowledge of useless trivia, I would spill my guts in mere moments as soon as anyone started tapping their fingers, humming, cracking their gum, scratching their nails down a chalkboard or any of those other noises that I hone in on and cannot ignore, especially in a closed in quiet space like an airplane, restaurant or my cube farm right freakin now.
I am about to have an apoplectic fit.
Earlier the air conditioner maintenance guy was here and performed what seemed to be routine maintenance, changing the filter and the like. The moment he left the friggin thing started in with this high pitched whistle that hiccups every thirty seconds or so.
It is all I can hear.
My ears are going to start bleeding because I am about to poke myself in my ear canals with an exacto knife to make the noise stop!
Please, make it stop! I'll tell you anything you want to know!
Michael Shoeffling, my true love Jake from sixteen candles, lives near Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania and makes furniture now, he has a wife and two kids.... what else do you want to know?
Posted by bugg at 03:37 PM | Comments (1)
June 28, 2005
Go ahead, steal my sand
I am vindictive by nature. As far back as I can remember, forgive and forget has been a hard pill for me to swallow. Seek and destroy has always worked better.
Case in point:
When I was a very young child of 3 or 4 we lived in a beautiful neighborhood on the fairway of a country club golf course outside of Louisville Kentucky. I was supposed to be a sweet flower of the South. But, it was not meant to be.
We had a neighbor with two children, a daughter my age and a son my older brother's age. The daughter and I used to play in the sprinklers, catch fireflies in jars, and have a good ole time.
One day while looking out the bay window in our kitchen, my mother spotted the little girl, Allison, in our sand box. She was using a one cup measuring cup to scoop up some sand. Then, she would disappear back over to her own yard. This same event occurred several times a day for many weeks. Yes, slowly Allison was stealing the sand out of my sand box! The nerve!
My own mother wouldn't say anything! Or do anything! She said "It's just sand." The injustice! It was MY sand. And this little skank was stealing MY sand. It was up to me to remedy the situation and exact revenge. Oh, I kept playing nice with her as I bided my time.
Eventually, we were invited to swim in their backyard pool. And I took the opportunity to wreak havoc. Oh yes. Allison's mother provided a lovely spread of sandwiches, chips and lovely pitchers of cherry red Kool-Aid.
Pitchers full of cherry Kool-Aid make a spectacular splash of color when added to the crisp aqua blue of a backyard swimming pool.
Needless to say, we were never invited back and my mother was mortified and embarrassed by my behavior. I never did get my sand back but I got my sweet, sweet revenge.
Posted by bugg at 12:10 PM | Comments (1)
June 27, 2005
Bunny can sleep through anything
I am a light sleeper. I wake up at least 6 times a night because the cat sneezed, a car horn honked, light came in the window, the kid snored down the hall or the minute hand turned on the clock.
You get my drift I wake at the drop of a hat.
My friend Bunny can sleep anywhere, anytime, through anything. She told me once that she fell asleep at a Marilyn Manson concert.
The summer before I moved to Seattle with Bunny, we had gone out to a bar in Kzoo and we had to drive back to GR that same night. I decided to drive as I was not drunk and I was wide awake. Bunny handed me the keys to her grandpa's car. Some sort of 1980's Buickish 4 door with the interior celing felt falling down and absolutely NO suspension. It was like driving one of those hoopty cars that bounce on purpose.
Anyway, Things were bouncing along the highway nicely so Bunny promptly fell asleep and I was left to drive and listen to bad radio.
As we entered the subdivision where my parents lived, I was thinking we were home safe. I turned the last corner before their driveway and a possum ran out into the road directly in front of me. I gripped the wheel with both hands and stomped on the brake. Next to me bunny flew forward and slammed her head on the dashboard then bounced back into her seat, limp. Driving the last few yards home, I was thinking that surely I had killed her. At the same time, I was almost peeing myself with supressed laughter because of the hysterical spectacle of Bunny zinging through the air the way she had.
I pulled into my parents driveway and stopped the car. I turned in the seat and called her name. "Bunny? Bunny, are you ok?" Then I shook her and yelled her name, which made her barely open an eye and grumble as she came slowly awake. She had slept through it all!
I wasn't going to tell her what had happened but I had to, in order to tell the story over and over to all our friends.
Posted by bugg at 12:30 PM | Comments (1)
June 24, 2005
pet peeve
I think that my first entry on my loverly new blog (thanks meloknee), will be to bitch about single driver assholes using the carpool lane, or the HOV only highway entry ramps.
I should be allowed to ram you with my truck and push you the fuck out of my way... a girl can dream.
Instead, I have memorized the "report violators" phone number. I also keep a pen and pad of paper handy to write down license plate numbers for every piece of shit I see breaking this particluar law and who also happens to have the misfortune of getting in front of me.
Keep it up assholes, you bring me great joy on a daily basis!
Posted by bugg at 12:14 PM | Comments (0)