January 03, 2009

queenie

It's been awhile. You know how it is this time of year, from Thanksgiving through the first week of January, there is too much... everything.

I'm extra crabby because my mom is visiting. One week of familial closeness is 3 days over my limit. You can imagine what two weeks is doing to me. My brother was here for four days and that was awesome. I hadn't seen him in two years! I liked having him here.

I fell asleep on the couch earlier and then when I dragged my ass to the bedroom, Grumpy was in there playing some nasty, loud war game on XBOX live. Now, it's after one in the morning and I am wide-fucking-awake. For some reason, I got a moment stuck in my head and I thought maybe I had better get it down before I forget it ever happened.

It must have been about 12 years ago now. We still lived in Seattle. Grumpy was still in the Navy, before we were married and I had very short hair and was in pretty good shape from going out and dancing almost every night. I will have to dig out some pics. I had this dress that can only be described as material that shined like a disco ball. And I used to wear platforms that were about 6 or 7 inches. Many of my bar friends never realized I was short until I took off my shoes. I am under 5'4" in real life.

One night we were hanging out at a new to us club because we followed DJ Evan whereever he went. I think it was called the 2418. He spun the 80's we loved best and he was our friend. Anyway, we were at this club that was owned by Asians and had a clientele that was mostly Asian. They were cool, they liked the music, they liked us, no problems. The problems came in with the hoity toity, drunk, frat boy, douche bag types.

I was at the bar with my short hair, big shoes, and disco ball dress when one such douche bag asked me if I was a drag queen.

A drag queen? Are you fucking kidding me? Really?

I love my drag queens so I wasn't offeneded about being called one. I was offended that douche bag had the balls to ask me. And he obviously knew nothing about drag queens or he never would have mistaken me for one. Firstly, I wear a size 6, a far cry from the size 13 my b-i-l wears. Secondly, I have no trace of an adam's apple. Thirdly, my hair was very short. No self repecting queen would have short hair.

Well, douche bag caught me off guard and the only sassy response I could come up with was "Fuck you, asshole. If I were a drag queen, don't you think I'd have bigger tits?" Not really my best work. Then my very big and burly friend Bill came over to defend me as he had heard the whole thing and I almost started a very large fight when douche bag got all belligerent. I can't rightly recall how it all ended, except that Bill must have dragged me out of there for fear that I was going to get us kicked out of our new digs.

I was such a feisty queen back then.

Posted by bugg at 01:23 AM | Comments (0)

November 26, 2008

this very moment

At this exact moment, I am IM'ing with my friend, Ryan, from high school. We found each other on FB, my sick addiction, and I swear that even though it has been like 18 years since I've seen him, we just picked up again like nothing has changed.

I dig it. He totally supports my hatred of UofM and even though he is a stick up the ass conservative, we still get along just fine. Hopefully, someday I can convince him to embrace his freaky-deaky side and hop on over the liberal fence.

Posted by bugg at 10:11 PM | Comments (0)

October 28, 2008

crisis averted

Yesterday, I got home from work and was having a little lunch while chatting with my brother-in-law. I was eating an apple with peanut butter and I was sharing with Hoho.

In the middle of the conversation, Hoho, who has been whining incessantly lately, started whining and sticking his fingers in my face. I was in the middle of a sentence and was irritated already because I had surpassed my whining maximum tolerance. I absently grabbed Hoho's hand while still talking with Cakes. It appeared that Hoho was trying to feed me the peanut butter he had all over his fingers. I was just about to lick his fingers and appease him, when I decided to sniff it first because a scene from Baby Mama came quickly to mind. Thank God I did that because the peanut butter in question ended up being a nasty poo-poo that had gone up Hoho's back and was causing him considerable discomfort.

Mmmmmm!

I don't think I will be able to eat peanut butter for awhile.

Posted by bugg at 10:32 PM | Comments (0)

October 25, 2008

back to life, back to reality

Well, what a crazy month (or so) it has been.

In September, I left Grumpy and the kids for an entire week, while I went to Charleston, South Carolina for work, which was mostly fun. My mom came out and stayed with the family. I had a great time but it was the very first time I had ever left any of them at all and I was glad to come home.

I was home a week before we all left to go on our very first cruise. We flew from here to Heathrow, before heading to Barcelona. From Barcelona, we boarded the Norwegian Gem and headed to Malta. On Malta, we toured Valletta and Mdina. Then we headed off to Italy. We stopped in Naples, Pompeii, and Sorrento. The next day we stopped in Citavechhia but were way to tired to make the trek into Rome. We spent the next day in Livorno, Florence, and Pisa. Little Bear turned 6 that day and had the best time ever in Florence. The next day we stopped in Villefranche, in France. We didn't have enough time to make it over to Nice but that was fine. It was hard enough getting to shore on the little excursion boats with Little Bear's wheelchair.

Aside from actually finding the wheelchair in Heathrow and finding ADA cabs in Barcelona we had a pretty easy go of it. It was a fun trip, but I was very happy to come home.

Since then it has been a blur. I've been asked to serve on board for the school district as Little Bear's school liaison for special needs. Whatever that means. I missed the first meeting while we were in Europe, so now I have to catch up.

I voted early last week but it didn't make me feel as good as usual becuase in many of the local positions the only candidates were Republican. Welcome to Arizona. Sigh.

All the way down my street there are signs in many of the front yards supporting Proposition 102 that changes the Arizona constitution to define marriage as "one man, one woman." They have a ton of money and advertise non-stop. I have received a zillion mailers addressed to "The Bugg Family". It's irritating to me that they assume because we are married with children, that we would automatically support this crap proposal. I contacted them and let them know that I don't support this kind of bigotry and that we want off of their mailing list. I hope they don't come after us now. I just don't get the mentality. I hope for anyone, that they find someone to love and that they can marry and have a family if they so choose.

And also, I think a strange twist of fate come my way and I hope I read the signs correctly. A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine accidentally ran over her cat with her RV. The cat has run out while she was leaving a campground. She had to move her RV to not block traffic and well... you can see where it goes from there. I felt terrible for her and have been thinking about her so much because her cat and her dog are her babies and the cat and the dog were best friends.

Last night as we came home from the halloween store, we pulled into the driveway and Grumpy stopped hard. He opened the door and bent over and picked up a kitten. He handed it to me and he said, "I almost ran this over!" I had NOT told him about my friend and her cat. We ended up bringing the kitten into the house (yes, I know, shocker). He's too skinny. You can see all his bones and he ate for about ten minutes straight. He's too cute. He's an all black short-hair and he's maybe 10 to 12 weeks old. He's not afraid of our cats and he just sits and growls when the dogs check him out. He slept with Little Bear all night.

I can't keep him. We have four cats and five small dogs already. The strays just know how to find me. I was thinking of putting him on Craigslist but I hate not knowing who he would go to and I refuse to take him to the pound. About 4 am it hit me that maybe he found me to get to my friend. She's coming here from Seattle in a couple of weeks to stay in an RV park for awhile.

I think the kitten found me so he could get to her. At least that is the idea I can't get out of my head. I emailed her this morning so I hope she feels the same way. Otherwise I may have another cat in the family and one less husband! I kid. Sort of.

Posted by bugg at 08:53 AM | Comments (0)

September 10, 2008

wax on, wax off

Hoho has started taking in an interest in all the little bugs that inhabit our yard. He calls everything "beetle" even after I tell him what the correct name happens to be.

He does one of two things with said bugs. If they are outside he points, calls it a beetle, then stomps on it. If we are inside he tries to catch the bug and bring it to me, like a cat bringing mice to it's owner.

Uh, thanks.

Yesterday, twice, he came to me saying "Mama! Beetle!", handing me flies which promptly flew away the moment he opened his hand. I can barely kill the little f'ers with my handy dandy fly swatter and Mr. Miyagi over here can catch them bare handed.

God, I do love Photoshop.

Posted by bugg at 06:54 PM | Comments (0)

September 01, 2008

i hate rednecks

Today is a day to sleep in, isn't it? It's Labor Day for Christ sake. But, at six am this morning I was jolted awake by the sound of rapid fire gunshots. I almost fell out of bed because it sounded like it was in my backyard. Close enough.

Apparently, as the kindly police dispatch told me, today is the opening day of hunting season, oh joy. Not. And because we live on the other side of the street from wide open desert, is seems every gun toting, giant truck with monster truck tires driving, redneck, dipshit, is out in the fucking desert shooting a gun. What the fuck are they shooting at that is really worth that kind of effort? Coyotes? Quail? Rabbits? Gross... I know it is hopeless to wish they shoot the snakes, spiders, and scorpions. I wouldn't mind that.

I could never shoot an animal unless it had a gun and was going to shoot me first. The worst part is these nimrods aren't even a quarter mile off the road. They could shoot right into a house. Is it wrong to wish that they all hear a noise, turn and shoot, ALL OF THEM miraculously being a perfect shot and killing each other in one big boom? That would be so nice.

The dogs and I woke up immediately. Of course Grumpy slept right through it and is still sleeping. I hate him, too.

The dogs are afraid to go out so I am sure I will also be cleaning up dog turd in my house because of these assholes.

If it weren't for Karma, I would be going down the road right now letting all the air out of all those stupid truck tires that are taller than I am.

Suck it, hunters!

Posted by bugg at 09:14 AM | Comments (0)

August 18, 2008

queen for a day

Mom and Dad 1951/52 -

My mom was Homecoming Queen and Cereal Bowl Queen (Kellogg's - it's a big deal there) that year at Battle Creek Central. BCHS just called and asked her to participate in the 100th Anniversary celebration Homecoming weekend.

They want her to ride in the parade and everything because she is the oldest queen left (gee, what an honor, ha!), the only queen in history to win both titles, and her and my Aunt Sonjia were the only sisters in history of the school to both be queens. I wish Sonjia were alive to see this, she would have laughed her butt off.

The only thing that sucks is none of us can go because that weekend we will be returning from our trip to Europe. Whoo-hoo! I told my little cousin to go, as he just graduated from there and is heading of to WMU in a couple of weeks.

My dad would have gotten the biggest kick out of this.
Yup, that's my mama!

Posted by bugg at 10:38 AM | Comments (0)